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| By: Rick Brooks | |
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In an announcement as notable for its timing as for its content, former and perhaps future Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth announced he had the bubonic plague today. The news comes right on the heels of guitarist Eddie Van Halen's announcement he is battling cancer. Although the two had been estranged and feuding for years, Roth and Van Halen had recorded together recently and were rumored to be preparing a reunion of the original Van Halen lineup. "This is a crazy, crazy disease, man! I'm probably gonna DIE from it! Could be any day now, HEY!" Roth said at his press conference. He then quickly discarded a piece of paper which apparently contained his prepared statement and started dancing with several showgirls who suddenly joined him behind the podium. Roth then returned to the podium to sing an impromptu version of "Just a Gigolo," then announced, "This could be the end of the road, folks! Diamond Dave has the plague!" He reassured everyone that it was the "noncontagious" kind, but still "really dangerous and something that could very well kill me." Furthermore, he continued, "the doctors tell me that being around a lot of people, and feeling the love of the fans and the media is probably the best thing for me right now." The flamboyant singer eventually became irritated as reporters asked all their questions about a possible Van Halen reunion instead of his illness. Roth refused to confirm or deny that the band was getting back together, and spouted off some nonsensical rhymes each time he was asked. Asked about Eddie Van Halen, he said, "Well, a lot of people beat cancer these days," and started singing a chorus of "California Girls." Some cynical observers wondered if the news was a publicity stunt by the flamboyant showman. Eddie Van Halen himself was unavailable for comment. It is believed he was fighting his cancer and trying to think of ways to blame it on Sammy Hagar. |
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