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By: Rick Brooks
Jacko to buy E-Toys

Reclusive pop superstar Michael Jackson made news this week by announcing he will purchase the struggling online retailer e-toys.com. Jackson reportedly has no plans to continue the business, but is instead interested in the mailing list and inventory of the failed company.

An insider said the surprise move "is consistent with Michael Jackson's interest in bringing joy to children all over the world." He added that Jackson will be able to use his knowledge of the addresses, personal information, and toy interests of millions of children to make many kids happy.

"Just think," said the source, "Now, Michael will know what specific kids like best, and it will be that much easier for him to ensure that they are enjoying themselves." The self-proclaimed King of Pop will personally pick up the mailing list information and records himself, but has different plans for the toy inventory. Jackson reportedly will have it all transported to his Neverland estate on the backs of pack-carrying elephants and llamas.

Neither Jackson himself nor anyone from e-toys would comment on the sale, but it is believed to go through as soon as possible, as Jackson is anxious to make a deal.


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