Cultureshark has learned that a highly visible and powerful producer and Hollywood player has plans to turn the notorious "American Taliban," John Walker Lindh, into...a movie star? Yes, it is true, according to the producer himself, who is already preparing several possible movie vehicles for the youngster who fought with Taliban forces until being captured by U.S. troops "I can't tell you who I am," said the big shot producer, "due to the sensitive nature of negotiations. And I can't tell you how wealthy, successful, and powerful I am, because that would give it away, too. And certainly not how cool I am. Dead giveaway if I let on about that."

The producer listed several built-in advantages the American Taliban has as a box office draw. "First of all, there's the nickname. It's catchy, it's memorable, and since the media started it, they won't have to be stroked into using it." He continued, "Then there's the recognition factor. His awareness level is through the roof according to my office's research. Even people who aren't very political-in other words the people that see my movies-know who he is. They're curious. And he's got credibility. People know the guy has been out there on the front lines. He's real. He's authentic."

The big shot producer scoffed at suggestions the moviegoing public would not be willing to pay money to see movies if they thought they would be lining American Taliban's pockets. "That's ridiculous. First of all, he'd probably only be getting scale, certainly nothing on the back end. Just the bare minimum. I'm a patriot, remember. Just look at my big movie-well, I can't tell you that, but it showed America kicking a lot of ass. Secondly, people forgive stars. Look at Charlie Sheen. America loves him. Look at Chrisitan Slater. He's uh, still acting. I think. Look at Sandra Bullock." Asked what legal trouble Bullock had, the big shot producer said, "Uh, forget I said that one. I never said that."

He was not specific on how to integrate the American Taliban into movies, but hinted he would work him in with supporting roles. "We won't try to make him a big hero at first-that would be ridiculous. But, hey, Arnold started playing villains, you know. And if we pair him with an experienced actor-we could have a hell of a dynamic going there. Start small, and see where it goes."

The producer seems already to be defensive about a possible backlash. "Hey, any money we make on something with him-well, part of it would go to some kind of charity. I'm talking a pretty sizable chunk of it. At least. I don't want to exploit anything."

Complicating matters for the producer is the fact that possible legal troubles may prevent Walker Lindh from appearing in a Hollywood movie until 2092.

The contents of this site are presented as humor. No harm, malice, or especially anything that makes us potentially liable in a court of law is intended.
Send comments to: webmaster@cultureshark.com
© 2000, Cultureshark.com