George Lucas gave interviews to several media outlets in the days leading up to the release of his latest Star Wars epic, Attack of the Clones. Only Cultureshark was smart enough to wait until weeks afterwards so as to gain some valuable perspective. It had nothing to do with the fact that we were 1,249th on the list. Not at all.

No topics were off limits, and the only limitation was our wanting to be back in time to watch Bachelorettes in Alaska. Here then is our unedited chat.

(Editor's note: You will see a lot of Qs and As in this feature. Do not be confused. We did not change our name to Q, and George Lucas is not going by "A," except for the purposes of this transcript)

Q: Thanks for sitting down with us, Your Grand High Exalted –

A: Hey, hey, what's with the title? I don't need to be addressed like some kind of Emperor.

Q: (puzzled) But your people said...

A: Ah, my people. They get carried away sometimes. I can hardly be responsible for everything they do. (Pushes intercom button) Doris? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Are you wearing that same perfume you were yesterday? I can smell traces of it in my office and I thought we agreed---OK. Thanks.

Q: Uh, anyway, George--

A: Mr. Lucas is fine.

Q: Anyway, Mr. Lucas, we have to ask if you're disappointed by the critical reaction to--

A: (holds up a hand) Let me get something (pulls out a long computer printout) Bobby Jackson, Mindy Newberg. Allan Waddle, Boris Camenov...

Q: Who are these people?

A: These are all people that liked Episode Two. You can call them yourself. They left their numbers. They really liked it.

Q: Ah, we'll take your word for it. Did the fact that Cultureshark gave you a strong review affect your decision talk to us?

A: Well, I'm certainly flattered, but I really don't waste my time reading reviews. Especially not any by that guy from Philadelphia Weekly who called it "dour, unpleasant, badly acted and revolting to look at." I mean, I don't even bother with stuff like that.

Q: Well, we'll get back to some of the criticism you, um, haven't been reading, but first, let me ask-you are planning a DVD release of this film right?

A: There is something in the works.

Q: And are you gonna have all sorts of features detailing all the technical aspects of how the effects and visuals were done?

A: Certainly, I think-

Q: Good. I don't have to waste time asking a bunch of questions about all that dull stuff. So I want to ask-how do you respond to criticism that Hayden Christensen's performance is more annoying than charismatic?

A: I'm sorry, who?

Q: Hayden Christensen.

A: (silence)

Q: Young guy-played Anakin in the movie…

A: Oh! Oh, yeah, Hayden! He was great. People that say that just don't get it. Probably more of those 30-somethings on the net.

Q: Many people assert you don't even care about actors, but you just see them as props to be arranged in front of your blue screens and computerized backgrounds.

A: What nonsense! I had such a great time working with the fine cast in this movie-Hayden, Evan, Natalia, the black guy…

Q: Wait, "the black guy?" That leads me to another criticism people have raised---the allegations of racism that have plagued your last several movies…

A: What? Patently absurd. That stuff about Jar-Jar? Or the clones representing Mexican immigrants? It's ridiculous. Why, some of my best friends are black.

Q: (laughter)

A: Why are you laughing?

Q: Oh, uh, I thought you had to have been kidding.

A: What, you don't think I could have black friends? You want me to show you? (reaches into desk and starts pulling out another printout)

Q: Ah, no, that's OK.

A: Anyway, I think that claim is spurious.

Q: I don't know what that means. Why are you laughing?

A: {chuckling) You said you didn't know what spurious-oh, you really don't. Let's move on.

Q: Fair enough. You said one time, and I quote, "Ha ha! I suckered all these theaters around the country into going for expensive digital projection equipment!"

A: I never said anything like that. Out loud.

Q: You didn't? (pauses, looks at notes) Ah! My bad! That was a line I wrote for a Cultureshark article we were gonna do goofing on y--uh, goofing on elitist critics and obsessive unfair Internet fans.

A:: Oh, I see. That sounds like a funny idea, although the quote makes me uncomfortable.

Q: I'll delete it later. Anyway, you DID say, as far as I know, something about making Star Wars for 12-year-olds.

A: Yeah. They're great. They don't go on the Internet and trash everything before we do it.

Q: Yeah, they wait till after you do it.

A: Exactly. Wait! No. Are 12-year-olds even on the Internet? I thought they played baseball at that age or did soapbox derby or something.

Q: Do you watch other movies besides your own anymore? There's an image people have of you being sort of isolated in your own world.

A: I love movies. Marty makes good ones, and anything Brian does, and I loved Steven's last one-what was that?

Q: Minority Report? A.I.?

A: No, the one with the dinosaurs.

Q: Jurassic Park?

A: Yeah, that's it. That's a great movie. Glad to see Steven's still making those fun movies.

Q: Another criticism people have had about your last several films is the dialogue. How do you respond to that?

A: (blank stare) Oh, you mean, the words and stuff?

Q: Er, yes.

A: Well, people who are nitpicking about the words and stuff are just not getting the point. (long pause)

Q: Which is?

A: It's just words and stuff! Relax and enjoy the neat pictures!

Q: About the romance in the movie between Ani and Padme…

A: Here we go.

Q: Is it possible your lack of success in the romantic area lately has influenced your ability to create a convincing big-screen romance?

A: Are you saying I'm not getting any?

Q: Well, I am not saying that, personally, but-

A: Do I have to be a jedi warrior to write about jedi? No. And my love life is just fine, thanks, and totally irrelevant to the films.

Q: Well, OK. You obviously don't have to-

A: You want proof? (reaches for another printout)

Q: Uh, NO! I mean, forget it. I want to know, what is next for George Lucas after Episode 3 is finished? By George Lucas, of course, I mean you.

A: Well, I am currently concentrating on Episode 3, and after that, who knows? There are a few things I would like to tinker with in the original trilogy. So there may be a series of Ultimate Editions, say, of Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi. By the time I finish those, it'll be time to do Special Editions of episodes one through three. As you see, I have lots of ideas.

Q: I want to ask some questions fans have had about plot holes and continuity issues, but we're limited in our time here, so I just want to ask one question that I think will give us a lot of information in one answer.

A: I'm not sure what you mean, but go ahead.

Q: Have you even started writing Episode 3 yet?

A: (ashen-faced, then recovering) Of course. I had these mapped out years ago. What kind of a question is that. I've got boxes full of notes and script pages-they're just hidden so you can't see them.

Q: Sure. So what is this talk about how these movies have to make a certain amount of money for you to be able to sustain the franchise?

A: Well, box office figures mean nothing to me, of course, but I am taking all the risk on these movies, and if fans don't see it, say, 3 or 4 times, each.

Q: I think I read in one magazine you needed the movie to make "one bajillion dollars" to be able to do all the stuff you want to in the next one. Is that a threat?

A: (chuckles) First of all, the bajillion dollars is just an estimate, kind of a rough figure I used as I was talking out loud. Secondly, it's not like I'm threatening to make a crappy movie. I'm just saying those neat effects aren't cheap.

Q: Does that bajillion dollars you need to pour back into the films include the money you make from merchandising, video, and all those other ancillary-type deals?

A: (silence)

Q: Um, Mr. Lucas?

A: I think it's time for my polo lesson. Nice talking with you.

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