Gene Hackman was involved in a minor traffic accident at a busy Hollywood intersection which escalated into a fistfight between the Oscar winner and two occupants of the car he allegedly bumped, police said. –Reuters

So many times we find out that in real life, our beloved screen icons are mere shadows of their larger-than life images. What a relief it was then, to discover 71-year-old Gene Hackman is every bit as "real" tough as he is screen tough. And that's tougher than a two-dollar steak that was cooked by a really tough guy.

As a result of his recent road rage fistfight, the Academy Award winning actor has been quietly taking anger management classes. In one of the greatest Cultureshark coups of all time, we have obtained a recent day's worth of entries form the journal. How did we get that journal? What, do you want us to get angry? Or worse yet, Gene? Er, Mr. Hackman, that is?

Was told to compile this journal by pantywaist anger management counselor. Broke 3 pencils already before calming down enough to be able to write smoothly.

So I have to write down what I did each hour in an effort to achieve "effective anger management." Here's all the crap I did today, and it damn well better make the hippie touchy-feely patrol happy.

7:50 AM: Awakened ten minutes before alarm was scheduled to go off by inconsiderate neighbor mowing his lawn.

8:00 AM: Successfully disabled neighbor's lawnmower. Briefly considered roughing up the idiot, but he ran away and, having barely been awake for 10 minutes, didn't feel like pursuing him.

8:10 AM: Unsatisfying shower due to lack of hot water. Resolved to confront my butler about taking excessively long hot showers before I do.

8:30 AM: Went to McDonald's to grab quick breakfast. Young punk at drive-through window gave me sweet and low instead of equal. Decided against pummeling him for two reasons: 1) scum of his ilk not worth the effort, 2) still groggy despite my morning incident. Settled for intense tongue lashing. Got plenty of Equal in return. Maybe anger management is a good idea after all.

9:00 AM: Quick workout in basement. Decided to focus only on hitting the heavy bag today. Imagined it was the jerk that wouldn't give me change for a fiver so I could get a Coke yesterday. He was holding out, damn it.

10:00 AM: Out stomping mudholes in backyard. Figured it was good practice.

11:00 AM: Meetings begin. Had to rough my manager up for not getting me look at Scorcese script. Always wanted to work with him. Scorcese, not my jerk-off manager. Later met with agent, who told me how much he knew I wanted to work with Marty. Found his tone patronizing, told him so with open hand slap to the head.

1:00 PM: Lunch at diner...staff knows me well, treats me with respect. Great service, like they really care what I want. Busboy told me his eye is healing nicely. He's a good kid, just needed to learn some manners.

1:45 PM: Fine, leisurely lunch nearly ruined when asshole behind me kept bothering everyone in the joint with his persistent loud cough. May have been making fun of my character in Heartbreakers, which is OK. I can take a joke, but to go on and on like that was inexcusable. Equally possible he was merely mocking my last name by "hacking." Ha ha, I got the joke, and he got an uppercut to the chin after I rousted him from his booth.

2:15 PM: While passing newsstand, saw tabloid picture of young man on arm of my lovely Heartbreakers co-star, Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt. She is a classy young lady. Noticed his arm was headed a little too far south of the equator. Note: Call her up tomorrow, make sure that punk isn't getting fresh with her.

2:20 PM: In attempt to "reach out" and "be open and seek out positive interaction," asked hot dog vendor if he will be seeing Royal Tennenbaums. When he replied "What is that?" I grabbed him by his collar, then stuffed a hot dog bun in his mouth.

2:30 PM: Man walking by brushed up against me on sidewalk. I tackled him and pounded him until he lost consciousness.

3:15 PM: Home again, took a quick power nap. Rudely awakened by vision of the idiot that hit my car. Went down and hit speed bag for a while.

4:00 PM: Picked up prescription at pharmacy. Thought I heard wise-ass remark about "Viagra" by a well-dressed jerk looking through postcards. I decked him and asked him if he thought that felt like the fist of someone who needed Viagra. Looking back, I guess the guy could have been saying Niagra, and he did appear to be talking to his friend and may not have even seen me. Still, he had it coming to him. Wise-ass.

5:00 PM: Tried to unwind with some TV. Watched this punk movie critic badmouth Behind Enemy Lines. Kicked in the TV set. Made note to self to track down that cocksucker and show him what I think of punk-ass critics.

6:00 PM: Saw wimpy academic type bitching about war in Afghanistan on news, kicked through screen of another TV set. Fifth one this month. Maybe if the pansy therapists can help me save some bucks on televisions, this won't be a total loss.

7:00 PM: Driver flinched when I went to grab the door for my wife. What, I'm encroaching on his precious job description? I let it go this time, but make a mental note to keep an eye on him. Now I'm writing it down here so that son of a bitch had better tow the line tomorrow.

8:00 PM: Dinner with wife's friends. Waiter gave me water glass with smudge on it. For appearance's sake, restrained myself from saying anything. Instead excused myself to "go to bathroom" and found snot-nosed waiter in kitchen, roughed him up a bit. Returned to table, greeted by new waiter. Excellent service remainder of meal. Maybe there is something to this anger management-already getting results by using anger more effectively.

10:00 PM: Waiting at counter in busy convenience store to buy beer and cigarettes, some jackass made a smart remark about hating Behind Enemy Lines. Proceeded to take him outside and kick him in midsection. Possible he said something about hating "STANDING" in line, therefore I left it at that and didn't press the issue.

11:00 PM: Began writing this journal entry. Must admit the exercise has had some therapeutic value. Almost calm enough to go to sleep after I do my nightly push-ups. Will take it easy on therapist tomorrow afternoon, assuming morning goes without incident.

11:30 : Off to bed after the nightly reading of my Son of a Bitch List-much work to be done to get revenge on those mothers. Give me something to dream about.