Eddie Murphy

The Patient

Eddie Murphy rose to fame on Saturday Night Live. On a show that traditionally has performers with unofficial labels, like the Crazy One, the Fat One, The Versatile One, teenage Murphy became The One Who was Actually Funny. From there, standup, movies, bigger movies, better movies, lots of money, rising and falling--then came 2002.

The Diagnosis

No matter how many smashes you've had in the past, a year like Murphy had last year can make people wonder. Showtime. I Spy. The Adventures of Pluto Nash. As a trifecta, that would make The Ritz Brothers look funny. He's had his share of clunkers in the past--Holy Man, The Golden Child…but those 3 in one year? It's like a baseball pitcher losing 20 games in a season or a baseball player hitting under .200 or--well, in non-baseball terms, it was a really crappy year. Is this a career in crisis? Well, let's just say forgiving something like Pluto Nash demands a lot more than popping in a SNL: Best of Eddie Murphy tape.

Has Eddie become less funny? We don't think so. We think this ship can be righted. Please allow us to address Mr. Murphy directly now as we advise him how to stop the bleeding.

The Cure

Talk to Us: Ever since a certain little scandalous incident years ago, you've been very quiet in the media. OK, we get it, you don't want to talk about the transvestite incident. Maybe it's too much to expect you to go chat with Jay Leno, pretend he's funny, and do a total mea culpa, but come on. Your refusal to do the late-night talk shows hurts your profile. Just think how much people would flock to see your movies if they saw you humbly chuckling while Jay plays some old yogurt commercial you did before you were famous.

Remember Your Roots: Remember, you were on Saturday Night Live once. No, we're not suggesting you go back on SNL. That show is so bad it needs you more than the other way around. Can't you just acknowledge its existence every now and then, though? Not even its present, but the past that you were a part of it. Tom Shales' excellent oral history of the show,Live From New York suffered from your lack of participation. Page after page of people kissing your ass and saying how great you were on the show, but nothing of your voice. They do an anniversary show seemingly every year--maybe you can show up for the next one and remind us, "Hey, I used to be a riot."

Turn on Your Friends: And we don't mean only Joe Piscopo. We don't just mean Arsenio Hall. He is due for something as payback for Star Search, but we have a better idea. How about Michael Jackson? We never understood why you hung out with him, anyway, and don't get us started on the "Remember the Time" video. How's this--make a special for HBO or somebody making fun of the Living with Michael Jackson special. It's an easy target, but you could OWN it. Just get someone besides Arsenio to play the journalist. Ahmad Rashad or Byron Allen could use the gig.

Start Acting: Take some serious roles, and we don't just mean movies where you have at least one scene where string music plays in the background. The Nutty Professor was one of your best parts because you were able to create a character people really cared about. Plus people farted a lot. Anyways, are we saying you should take a part in a Merchant/Ivory film? Yeah, actually, we are. That would either be a great test of your acting ability or it would be so disastrous it would be really funny. See, either way, you win!

Play the Villain in an Action Movie: Why? We don't really have a good reason. It's just that everybody else seems to include this when they're talking about resuscitating a career. It must be mandatory or something. However, now that we give it some thought, here's our best idea of this whole article. How about hamming it up in Austin Powers 4? Think about it. Myers' insistence on playing all the villains means he is trying to steal the movies not just from his costars, but from himself. He failed with Goldmember, a character that couldn't steal art from a Baghdad museum. It would only be natural for the fourth movie to take Austin back to the '80s Myers has already worked with Murphy in --maybe the combo could boost the franchise and our man Murphy. We won't even ask you to do the Axel Foley laugh. And speaking of that…

Don't make Beverly Hills Cop 4: Seriously. 80's nostalgia only goes far. Besides, Metro was close enough.

Or there is an alternative to our plan, and that is one very simple step...

Do nothing.

Yes, folks, we have seen the trailer for Daddy Day Care, the next Eddie Murphy family-friendly PG comedy, and we hate to admit it, but this movie about a guy that gets laid off and starts a day care center looks...pretty good. It has audiences laughing, and that's a pretty good start. Perhaps the sure success of that movie will be enough to help Eddie rebound. But what about his movies for grownups? By following our plan, Eddie can become a hip commodity again in movies that cater to people who are old enough to realize 48 Hours isn't just some Rush Hour ripoff.

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