[Part 1]   –   [Part 2]   –   [Part 3]

This summer movie season may have kicked off with Spider-Man, but come on. The real big hype was Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. By now everyone who wanted to see it has seen it-at least once-but it's finally time for me to check in with my thoughts on my experience-yes, "experience," because, hey, it's not just a movie, it's Star Wars, right?

A friend invited me to see Episode Two (this movie is so hyped it has three different names) digitally projected on opening weekend. Digital projection--"the way it was meant to be seen" as the ads trumpeted. Why not? I was curious to check out the digital phenomenon-and, more importantly-George would have wanted it that way. George Campbell, the kindly old usher at the big multiplex we were going to, that is.

The theater we were hitting was in Annapolis, at least 45 minutes away, but it seemed worth it. Of course, a day after my friend purchased our tickets online, I saw a big display ad in the paper: "See Star Wars in digital projection-the way it was meant to be seen." This from a theater right down the road. I wanted to use The Force to hurl my head into a wall after seeing that, but on the other hand, the drive would make it more of an adventure.

It worked out well, too. Some other friends of mine went to that theater down the road just days after we went to Annapolis, only to be greeted by a blank screen. Just total blackness. Can you imagine the poor bastards that had to sit through that? Eventually, the show was just scrapped, but until then, I wonder how many people were sitting in the dark, scratching their heads and wondering, "Is THIS the way it was meant to be seen?" I guarantee you there was one guy who thought it sucked before he took his seat and one guy who sat through the Attack of the Wayward projector and defended it as George Lucas' personal vision.

SO my friend and I set out on our adventure to see Star Wars. We were excited because there is no better way to enjoy a new blockbuster movie than on the big screen, in a big theater, inside…a big sprawling shopping mall? Well, OK, for movie atmosphere, parking in front of JC Penney's and then walking past dozens of places like "Just Hats" and "Auntie Anne's Pretzels" isn't exactly the pinnacle. The odd setup of the theater placed the ticket office in the middle of the mall, and we had to pass through a food court to get to the actual theaters. This didn't add to my movie experience, either. A typical mall food court, incidentally, is one of the only places in existence that actually makes movie concession prices seem reasonable, so maybe someone knows what they're doing. Anyway, as we went to that ticket booth, my enthusiasm returned as I saw the lines of people gathering-to buy tickets for later shows or other films, because the one we were going to was SOLD OUT, BABY! Right on! Full house! Big crowd! And-ha ha!-no waiting in line for us because we already had ordered our ducats!

All that remained was the simple matter of picking them up. Now, my friend ordered online via credit card for convenience as well as making sure we had seats before we drove out. As I approached the theater, though, it hit me. What could be more appropriate for a movie that is breaking new ground technically, as well as with the digital projection thing, than to get the tickets the new-fangled way? The answer: nothing. Yes, we were truly embracing the digital age. Or something to that effect.

Only when he tried to get the tickets from the machine I will refer to as the ticket-dispensing machine, there was a problem. No tickets were coming out. So we stood in line with the regular peons who HADN'T embraced the digital age. Well, at least we had tickets reserved. I was still somewhat nervous as we approached the ticket counter and a man took my friend's card and went to a "back room" by pushing aside a cheap curtain. Here I would have been really nervous but for the fact that this man was wearing a tie, not even a bow tie but a real one that hung down and all, and seemed to be a manager of some sort. I mean, he looked at least 20, so I knew he had to have some kind of responsibility at the theater.

He came out with a white piece of computer paper with "Crown Cinemas" typed over it. A quick glance showed a few numbers and I think I saw the words "Star Wars" printed on there somewhere, but it was hardly what I called official. How silly I was to worry, though. The manager type, as if to assuage my fears, took out a high tech device I will refer to as a "pen" and wrote "Admit two" on the paper. Whew! NOW it was official! Not exactly a "Golden Ticket," but if it gets us past the doorman without a scene, it's fine, I figured.

Up in the actual theater area a line had already gathered for our screening. I looked around the lobby and was disappointed. I was expecting to see-I don't know, elaborate costumes of some sort. Phasers, at the very least. Yeah, I know that's Star Trek, but somehow I still expected to see phasers. Sadly, I saw none of those, but I did see some unarmed costumed people walking around. I chuckled at the lengths to which the fans will go. These were all young-looking men, wearing identical white outfits, obviously cleaned and pressed with fanatical care for this very day. They also had these white hats, and as I got closer, I noticed they had all these symbols on their costumes, oddly nautical in –

Oh, wait. I soon realized those guys were from the Navy.

Resisting the urge to point at one of them and yell, "Dude, who are YOU supposed to be?" I headed into the theater, led in by my friend and his Ultra-Secret Piece of Paper. I must admit part of me, while sitting in the spacious auditorium, anticipated all sorts of Star Wars geek discussions that I could poke fun at later. However, as I scanned the crowd and saw mostly family-type crowds, and of course the fine servicemen, I kept my ear open as well, it hit me--the only one talking about Star Wars...was me.

Go to Part 2