Recently Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake experienced a break-in at their Florida rental home. The baddies were caught but...

"One of the perpetrators was allegedly nabbed at his home while dubbing a copy of a stolen videotape that showed "personal" moments of the sweethearts, according to the police report.." -E! Online

What exactly was on that tape? Well, the tape has been safely returned to the lovebirds, but not before our law enforcement source was able to provide us a transcript of the audio portion. Don't believe the people that reported it was innocent-it's shocking. This same source is working on a story involving the kids that egged Burt Reynolds' house on Halloween, so more scoops are forthcoming, people.

Britney: Justin, do you think Christina looks better than I do?

Justin: Yo, what kinda wack head trip are you on, honey-poo? She looks like a straight-up ho.

Britney: Did you think I was prettier than her even when I had that zit on my nose last week?

Justin: That big old gross one right near your nostril? I didn't even notice it, baby.

Britney: Oh, then I shouldn't have mentioned it. (she giggles, then becomes quiet)

Britney: You don't think she's pretty when she's dressed up in that Moulin Rooogey video, do you?

Justin: She's just looking like a ho, honeypie. But you know you're twice the ho she'll ever be!

Britney: that's good because…I wouldn't say this to anyone else in the world, Justin, but...(whispering) Sometimes I think she can sing a little bit better than me.

Justin: Mmm-hmm. I mean, nah, no way, baby.

Britney: Why do you have that stupid camera on? This stuff I'm saying is really PERSONAL.

Justin: Don't worry, it's just for you and me. I wouldn't call you doll cheeks if someone else was gonna see it. That's too personal!

Britney: Oh, JT.

Justin: Speaking of personal, I never told you this, but you know that movie you like, Cinderella? Well…I watched that the other day and I cried. I cried 'cause I was so –

Britney: No, I'm NOT having sex with you tonight.

Justin: Yo, yo, can't blame me for tryin'. (clears his throat)

Justin (singing): I'll never break your heart...

Britney: Justin, you sang that to me 3 times already. And that was just this morning. You could at least try a different song. Justin? Are you picking your nose?

Justin: So what if I am?

Britney: Eww, it's sick! What if I just picked my nose?

Justin: Go ahead!

Britney: I mean it! I'll do it!

Justin: I don't care!

(both giggle hysterically for several minutes)

Britney: Sometimes I'm just so sick of these. I think they're too big and too fake.

Justin: No way, sweetiecakes. They look good.

Britney: Really? 'Cause it's like everyone's looking at them sometimes, and just them, know what I mean?

Justin: Yeah, you know I love them.

Britney: Ok, then I'll keep my eyelashes like this for a while, then.

Justin: Huh?

Britney: You know what else? I think my butt looks big in these shorts.

Justin: Yo, yo, you tripping baby. You know your butt looks fly.

Britney: Why do you have to tape everything we do together?

Justin: I don't tape EVERYthing, baby. Know what I mean?

Britney: No.

Justin: You know, when we – you know?

Britney: Oh, when we do each other's hair?

Justin: Yeah! Man, I would never want THAT to get out!

Britney: But I mean it – if anyone finds this tape, it would be SO embarrassing. This stuff we've been talking about is, you know, like, really super-personal.

Justin: Yo, yo baby, I know. That's why I'm gonna keep this tape in my secret hiding place.

Britney: You mean that big trunk you have that you wrote "Personal Britney Stuff" on in magic marker?

Justin: You know it, baby.

Britney: OK, but you got to promise to get a lock for that, OK?

Justin: Anything you want. Now can we–

Britney: No! I said I'm not gonna! I have an image to protect. Now could you pass me that leather bustier with the cone things? I want to make sure it fits for my concert tonight.

Justin: I was gonna ask you to highlight my hair for me again.

Britney: Oh, you're so sweet, Justin. I'm sorry. Come on, give me a hug.

(sound of a slap)
(footsteps, door closing)

Justin: Man, sometimes it's like she's a-a playa hater! I'm shutting this thing off.

(Videotape goes to static briefly, then recording of The Ricki Lake Show for 28 minutes)