10 Things That Don't Suck About 15 Minutes

All "profound messages" about the evils of the media are helpfully and crudely stated for the camera without any subtlety by the characters.

By giving Ultimate Fighting Champion Oleg Taktarov a prominent role, the movie spares at least one established actor's career any serious damage.

Periodic performances like these remind us that Robert DeNiro actually is human.

Since he didn't write the script, we finally see Ed Burns in a movie where he doesn't sleep with someone out of his league.

If you close your eyes and use your imagination, you can pretend Gary Oldman is one of the Euro bad guys. Then you can pretend he is going around shredding the movie to the press.

The shots of Ed Burns BURNing his hands (ha ha) were nowhere near as sick as the footage of Michael's injuries on Survivor, proving that movies aren't always as graphic as TV.

The title of the film gives you a perpetual hope while sitting through it-it reminds you that, like everyone's so-called 15 minutes of fame, this movie is bound to end sooner or later, too.

At a time when so many movies go the cheap route of relying on offensive stereotypes of Arabs for villains, this movie reaches for more, relying on offensive stereotypes of Eastern Europeans.

We get to see Kelsey Grammar get decked.

(deleted for major spoiler reasons, but trust us, it is extremely insightful and witty.) (Seriously, it would give too much away.) (OK, if you really want to know, write us. But don't say we didn't warn you.)

10 Things That Don't Suck About Heartbreakers

Sigourney Weaver provides encouragement to old ladies everywhere who still think they're sexy.

Ray Liotta isn't nearly as miscast in this as he is in Hannibal.

Jennifer Love (her friends call her "Love") Hewitt is...well, Jennifer Love Hewitt, but at least she's not playing Audrey Hepburn this time.

Thanks to Gene Hackman's sleazy tobacco executive with a hacking cough, teens who come for Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts will get a valuable anti-smoking message. Plus the parrot that keels over from Hackman's tobacco smoke may remind viewers of the classic "dead parrot" sketch from Python.

Speaking of that, Gene Hackman plays the coughing tobacco exec. HACKman. That's kinda funny. Isn't it?

Palm Beach, Florida gets a much-needed image change. Instead of being portrayed as ground zero for seniors getting ripped off in elections, it is portrayed as ground zero for seniors getting ripped off out of their vast personal fortunes.

The sitcom-like feel of many scenes will reassure many moviegoers who might be sitting in the theater and worrying they are missing something good on TV. The same goes for the accent used by Sigourney Weaver for much of this movie, which is reminiscent of Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle. This is sure to inspire warm feelings in fans of the show.

Director David Mirkin's pointless cameo in his own movie brings to mind Alfred Hitchcock. Which brings to mind all the great movies he directed.

Sigourney Weaver's rendition of "Back in the U.S.S.R." and Ray Liotta's brief version of "Come Fly With Me" provide welcome alternatives for music fans who are sick of sharing classic songs performed the standard, "good" way.

Courageously works to shatter movie taboos by implying the possibility of three-way sex involving a mother and daughter.